Freedom

I've been caught off guard. I've been so convinced that choices/options are the way to live. To have them, means I have freedom. Wrong - commitment is where freedom lives and breathes and gives life. Galatians 5 talks about the freedom we have through Christ. We are supposed to have that freedom. How many of us actually live in it? Where we are free to love without the inhibitions of a self-seeking lifestyle. The words from that chapter say that it is absolutely impossible to live a freedom filled life if selfish interest is involved. I can't imagine there are many who have figured that out - only by the grace of God could live in a world where these characteristics of a selfish life are not ruling: (These are words from Eugene Peterson's version of the Bible, "The Message" starting at 5:19) - "repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community." Paul lays it on the churches in Galatia, much like i've felt like i've had it laid on me. My time has been pulled so many directions that I've failed to understand what freedom is. My relationships haven't grown as they should because love has not been the dominating characteristic - how could it be? I haven't lived in the freedom of Christ. I've allowed my self-seeking interests to blind me from what God has so willingly given me - life to the full. A portion of Heaven now.

Freedom is displayed, as Paul says, in love. The TNIV says it this way 5:13, 14 - "You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature ; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Commitment to one another gives freedom! Commitment to a body, one body of Christ, gives freedom. Commitment to one person - gives freedom! This is what happens when we choose to live in freedom: 5:22-23 (the Message) "But what happens when we live God's way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard-things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely." AMAZING!!

Oh how I long to live in this freedom.

Of course, I can't but help think of the movie Braveheart, when William Wallace is literally at his last breath, his only cry is for "FREEDOM!" He fought for it. He died for it. Freedom in Christ is worth fighting/dying for.

Beauty

Isaiah 6: 1-8
Sitting on my back deck, in my spot, hearing the wind and the drizzle come down, hearing the cardinal sing his amazing song - it all reminds me that the whole earth is full of his glory. I couldn't have had a clearer picture of it than what i saw in Michigan. Not only seeing the beaches and the Great Lakes, but being in them. Stepping into the waters, being apart of the creation, it started to overwhelm me at one point. How could I, this man of unclean lips, be allowed to have my eyes opened to understand.I also can honestly say that the beauty of the whole creation and the overwhelming feeling was significantly increased because of the beauty of the one I was with.

Looking back on my life, I have been SO freaking blessed to have been through fire to be refined as well being apart of events and situations that changed the course of my life. I can look back to a few nights that have radically changed my life and one of those was March 9, 2011, Ash Wednesday service. There was a naked, bare tree in the middle of the sanctuary, not ready to bloom. There was a purpose for that. God showed me that He had me in a period of dormancy for a reason, reasons that are being revealed to me now. I get to grow now because of my time spent in dormancy! It's a beautiful place to be.

I'm so grateful for the the revealing of who God has called me to be in his word. "Your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for." I've been holding onto things that have brought guilt and fear into my life for too long. It's time to be a new man, to live in the freedom of truth and love. It's gametime.

Do it - ask!

1 Corinthians 14:1 (NIV)
Follow the way of love and eagerly desire spiritual gifts,
especially the gift of prophecy.

This spiritual gift of prophecy has been on my mind and heart a lot lately. Not only that but also gaining more understanding or insight into who the Holy Spirit is. There is so much i have yet to grasp but i'm so thankful for the revelations i've had recently. In my last blog, i talked about this prayer: "God extend me, expand my boundaries. I want to be capable of so much more". My buddy aaron tweeted a prayer that prayed for a release from our projected selves - I've bottled myself into a form that is not who God said i should be. there is so much goodness in listening to the holy spirit. So much comes from it! My life has been transformed because i've finally decided to sit and listen to his words. So much clarity has been brought into my life. Clarity in words and images all pointing to who God has called me to be.

I've also been attending church with my girlfriend, Jen!! (Holla!) and it's been really cool to see how her church pursues the word of the spirit. God speaks! He wants us to hear him! But we have to do our part too - allow ourselves to be vulnerable and fall flat on our face in humility. I have to say, the main push for my prayer life was Jen. And hears the deal - it's been so good! God has spoken to me, loud and clear! If I could encourage anyone right now, it would be to say take time to listen to the spirit. Not just listen, but ask to be spoken to. All i see happening from that is communication that is beyond what we've imagined. It's right.

Here are some words from Dietrich Bonhoeffer:

"Above all, it is not necessary that we should have any unexpected, extraordinary experiences in meditation. This can happen, but if it does not, it is not a sign that the meditation period has been useless. Not only at the beginning, but repeatedly, there will be times when we feel a great spiritual dryness and apathy, an aversion, even an inability to meditate. We dare not be balked by such experiences. Above all, we must not allow them to keep us from adhering to our meditation period with great patience and fidelity.
It is, therefore, not good for us to take too seriously the many untoward experiences we have with ourselves in meditation.
It is here that our old vanity and our illicit claims upon God may creep in by a pious detour, as if it were our right to have
nothing but elevating and fruitful experiences, and as if the discovery of our own inner poverty were quite beneath our
dignity. With that attitude, we shall make no progress."
... Dietrich Bonhoeffer (1906-1945), Life Together [1954]

Get Ya Some!

"I wanna ball with the best, I put it down make it fall like the rest. Aint no stoppin when i call with my chest, and i'm rollin like ya heard to the west."
Just a little rap line that came this morning. Ha. It's been a good morning. Not only have I "Got me some" love from my God, but i realize how full i am. This rap line kind of explains it a bit. "I wanna ball with the best" - It's not that i want to be compared to others, nor do i want to receive credit, but i want to be able to live like those who have gone before and who currently live in a state of complete surrender to God. I wanna do my role in this story like my role on the court, d'n it up and helping my team win. "I put it down make it fall like the rest" - I used say "put it down for the ..." a lot. But this time there is so much I hold on to that weighs me down. If i let go of the junk in my life and let it fall like the junk God has taken off me already, then i'm weightless and ready to roll. "Aint no stoppin when i call with my chest" - My heart is very sensitive and capable. My prayer this morning was "lord, expand me, extend my boundaries. I want to be capable of love like yours." When i let my heart speak, yeah it sometimes speaks without thinking and pushes me to places i may not have gone (i kind of think it's a good thing, most of the time), but i feel an honesty and an ability to be instinctual and be the man i'm supposed to be. i love the heart God gave me and i want use it for Him. " And i'm rollin like ya heard to the west." - sometimes you gotta rhyme no matter what and make it sound good. This one worked out though. I do feel like im blazin a new trail (yes i have ties to the oregon trail as well). I'm not sure where God is taking me but i'm stoked for the journey. So I'm gonna mount up (Regulators!) and head with my heart, i'm gonna get me some. ;)

Blessed

July 8th (or 9th depending on how you look at the time) 2011 - I'm back in my high school country. Hutchinson, KS for my 10 yr high school reunion. I had some amazing times here in Hutch and Buhler, and I'm pumped to relive some of those great memories with my best friends from high school. On our way down here, Nathan and I were talking about what the last 10yrs of life was like for us. It's so crazy to look back to July 8/9 2001. I was working at Gaeddert Farms Sweet Corn, so pumped to head to KU in the fall, where life would start to dramatically change. I looked through some old pictures of high school and college days trying to remember the guy I was back then. What I remember most is my loyal, amazing friends and family. So blessed by my brothers from several other mothers and my genetical family. What I had in them was a strong base, a strong support, a blessing that many people don't get.

The sad part was that they were all pushed away in a time of my life where i was told to give up those things to fill the needs of another person. After literally saying goodbye to some and never calling back others, 2 1/2 yrs later, those that i lost, returned. My blessings were back. But God didn't just decide to give them back to me, He gave me hoards of people. I can't even count the number of people who have come into my life and seriously laid down some heavy blessing on me. What a wonderful savior! I lay here thinking about my blessings and thinking about how i can return the blessing to others. I also lay here with the complete knowledge that my blessings aren't done, which makes me smile hugetime. God, you have given me so much and you want to give me more? I'll take it! People have been my blessings. It's all about relationship. I'm entering into a relationship now that seems to push more than just the envelope on blessing but blows the envelope to pieces! I am SO pumped to bless this blessing back too. She's good. Blessed am i for sure. Peace.

Blogging for 1

I'm officially done with my tech class through Emporia State, so really there's no reason to continue this blog. Well, it's not for a grade anymore. However, i feel like this is a good outlet for me. I dont think there is anyone who will read this post except for maybe my mom. So, hi mom. Right now i'm sitting on my back deck watching the zoo of animals run around in my back yard. This chair i'm sitting in has been a solace for me over the past several weeks. I've spent every morning in this chair with my cup of coffee, journal, and bible. This place feels holy to me. God has spoken to me so clearly here.

My heart has had it's ups and downs hugetime lately, which has been a sign to me that something isn't right. I've allowed my heart to be enraptured by someone else more than i let it be by Christ. Our pastor, Mark Seversen, talked about what stirs our hearts this past sunday, and i'll admit, mine has been stirred more by a girl than by my savior. The story of Mary pouring out a years worth of wages of perfume on Jesus' feet reminds us that nothing is to stir us more than our devotion to Him. Not the heartache for the poor, not the love for anything else, but our hearts should ultimately be stirred by Him. In turn, He will stir our hearts for the things that stir his. I honestly don't feel like I'm in the wrong being stirred by someone else but am I stirred for Christ more? Good question. These past couple weeks have really opened my eyes to that and helped me see that when my heart fully rests in Him, nothing will break me down.

This is a hymn i sing often. It was written in 1871 by Edward Hopper
Jesus, Savior, pilot me
Over life's tempestuous sea;
Unknown waves before me roll,
Hiding rock and treacherous shoal.
Chart and compass come from Thee:
Jesus, Savior, pilot me.

Somebody's Baby

"you are not your own. you were bought at a price." 1 cor 6: 19-20.

Thinking about my last post (mostly the part about those who are on the dance scene for the wrong reasons) spurned me on to think more and more about what my "holy discontent" is. Those words, holy discontent, are not my own, but from a friend who asked me about it on tuesday. I gave an answer but it has been wrestling with me since. What is on my heart that causes it to break? There is so much injustice in this world. So many people are wronged. So many people are hurt. Unfortunately, while this world exits, so does injustice. God has called us to live differently. To be a people who show mercy and work for restoration (he showed us how and has provided the way through his son, Jesus).

My heart breaks for the wrongs done to women. Wrongs acted out be evil men who prey and seek to devour the beautiful creation of a woman. That a man, like me - human, could take someone off a walking trail to fulfill sexual lust - rape. That a man, like me - human, could sell a teenage girl into sex-slavery. That a man, like me - human, could sit behind a computer screen and devour women with his eyes, thinking he's not hurting anyone. My heart cries out, WHY Oh Lord?! That girl, that woman, is somebody's baby. Somebody's baby girl. Whether the earthly father cares or not, without doubt, her heavenly father cries out, WHY MY People?! He longs for his people to come back to him. "I will say to the north, "Give them up!" and to the south, "Do not hold them back." Bring my sons and my daughters from the ends of the earth-everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom i formed and made." Isaiah 43:6-7.

The anger i have towards men who live this way is the only anger i have that will not be held back. This is why i must rely on God to be the redeemer of this injustice. Redeem Your daughters and sons. "Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you." Isaiah 43:4.

This video is a song by Jon Foreman, Somebody's Baby. The video is not officially connected to the song, but was done by a student in a film class. Heart wrenching. My "holy discontent".